I knew it wasn’t relevant to the case, but I asked it anyway. “If she thinks you aren’t who she thought you were, what do you think of her?”
“I think she’s making the most sense of it she can,” Danny said. “She’s only ever been the victim of an addict, never one herself. She thought she could help me be something, and that something is what she thought I was. I didn’t realize this at first, but I was dishonest with her by allowing her to believe it.”
“Do you think the separation was necessary?”
“No. I am the man I have always been, only she didn’t know it. And I did love her. Not well enough, of course, but love for her — for anyone — could never be enough to change me from the inside out.”
I studied his face, not sure what he was telling me. Was he saying he’d always be an alcoholic and he was okay with that? Was he saying he still wanted Rose? Was he saying he had no ability to change?
“So is there no hope?” I asked. “Will you always be an alcoholic?”
“Yes,” he said. “But I can be a sober alcoholic, a recovering alcoholic. And there is always hope. But if I hope in my own ability to change, I won’t get very far.”
I was confused. “Have you changed then?” I asked.
Danny looked at me for a moment, shaping his answer behind his eyes. “I have changed in many ways,” he said finally, “and will continue to change in many more ways. But what I’ve learned is that the alcohol itself is not the problem. The real problem is my inability to control and direct my life.” He smiled at the look on my face. “Sorry, I probably sound like I’m talking in riddles. Why don’t you come with me to my recovery group on Friday? It would make more sense.”
Now I was really confused. Was he inviting me into his life? Was he asking me out? And why would I go to a recovery group? I had very little experience with alcohol or drugs, much less an addiction to either.
Whereas, Day by Day 